Feeling sorry for someone is a treacherous place to be because it lacks respect. The Enmeshment of Codependency is not Love Please read about codependency section under anxiety. “Love me no matter what” This is an extremely emotionally dangerous requirement. This is a crazy thing to demand of another adult if you are 18 or over. Mirroring the system An example of this would be the person you date is a problem drinker and your alcohol intake increases when you are with them. Beware the Distancer There are many who make an art of never really sharing their heart, who only feel safe buried in distance.
Respect is more important than love in keeping a long term relationship working. Women, Stop the Myth Stop the myth that any man is better than none. For example, if either of you requires medication, it is that person’s duty to explore this option. Instead of insisting that the other person deny his or her reality just to reassure you falsely, deal with the truth. It’s important to maintain your own boundaries, to recognize when you’ve lost track of your own values or sense of self in loving somebody else. No Remorse Someone without this quality is dangerous to be around. Don’t make the mistake of believing you’ll be the one special enough to break through. Bitterness There is an ugliness to living with this that is suffocating. Monologues Do they consistently erase or discount your reality with long-winded monologues? If you end up feeling that you are never on the stage but always in the audience that is a problem.
In reality you will come to feel like a mother or father instead of a lover. Men valued looks most highly and women valued finances.
I always loved Grimm’s Fairy Tales—even better than 50′s/60′s television.
Extremes such as excessive adoration, disgust, or indifference in parental relationships can be trouble.
Basically you want someone who gets along with their parents.
“If he had a girlfriend she would sit across the breakfast table from him with fork in hand, and every day she would be impaled on the four steel tines of his intelligence and his perception and his ambition and his self-regard.” As my mentor Sonia Nevis, Ph. says, “It is easier to live life with joined energy.” Many single people long to be joined with someone in a relationship that will last.
Being single & dating is definitely a gruesome process that requires courage.